The Start of Something New
Every exit is an entry somewhere else.”
– Tom Stoppard
“Finding myself” isn’t quite an appropriate term for what I’m embarking on. Last week was my final week at the office, at least for a few months. I’m now officially on a leave-of-absence from a corporate marketing job to…what? Explore the world? Discover aspects of myself I’ve kept hidden away? Re-evaulate my life?
Call me dramatic, but my days had become a monotonous haze of black and white. In my quest to “fix” my jaded self and ease my restlessness, I obtained my Zumba® instructor certification. I half-completed a SCUBA certification (is anyone looking for once-used gear?). I became obsessed with working out (corollary: to balance out the over-exercising, I’ve recently transitioned to over-indulging on my TV series. Hellooo, superheroes and magical adventures.). I tried wall climbing, clayshooting, and gunshooting. Nothing stuck. It wasn’t enough.
This feeling…it’s akin to what I felt when I left Guam, right before I turned 18. It’s like my city has become so small that it can no longer contain me. It’s like I’m standing on a precipice, on the verge of something I can’t yet pinpoint. It’s like there’s something great out there, waiting for me to grasp it, but it won’t be revealed to me until the time is right.
Maybe I’ve seen too many movies. Maybe I’m trying to find some huge life lesson. Maybe I’ve just been away from family too long. I can’t really know until I take this time for me. If nothing else results, I’ll have some great stories, and even better memories.
The choice to pause my career wasn’t a snap decision, but leaving my comfort zone was. Yes, it’s frightening, but many heroines charge fearlessly forward in books and movies (or at least pretend to). I’m taking a leap of faith that everything will work out. Surprisingly, I’ve encountered an overwhelming amount of support and encouragement in my pursuit of…more. What this more is, I don’t yet know. A few friends think I’m nuts. A few think I’m brave. A few think I’ve come to terms with a good kind of crazy. I don’t have a solid, detailed plan. I have some ideas of how I’d like things to progress, but life is so full of the unexpected and I’m open to all sorts of possibilities.
Today, there is only a single surety. Tomorrow, I fly home.