Which Way?

In my youth, I wanted to be a lot of things – CNN news anchor, recording artist, MTV VJ, professional dancer, lawyer, Broadway star, Disney voiceover, novelist. As time went on, I lost sight of those aspirations, following the natural course of life’s river. And now? There is no 5-year plan. There is no 2-year plan. There isn’t even a 1-year plan…not really, anyway.

I’m definitely no Rachel Berry (for you Gleeks); I’ve never had that gumption of something I was destined to be. But I was in a rush to become…whatever it is I thought I was meant to become. Problem is, you can’t achieve a goal you haven’t yet determined. By 18, I’d relocated from Guam to California, sans the parental units. By 22, I’d graduated from college with honors. I was also managing events and a front-of-house staff of at least 30 people in a fine-dining restaurant with a seating capacity of 400. By 24, I’d purchased a condo. By 27, I’d worked my way up a Silicon Valley software company. By 28, I began to wonder if I missed a turn or two along the way.

Well, that’s an understatement; I wasn’t sure there was an actual “way” I was following to begin with.

So, I sent myself home for a couple of months. The funny thing about coming back to a small, remote island is that it almost feels like I never left. I can still drive everywhere without a GPS (something I’m heavily reliant on back in the SF Bay) and I can probably count the “big” changes with my ten fingers. It’s an oddly comforting feeling. But growth does not stem from staying within one’s comfort zone.

So, instead of continuing to hide out here on my little rock of an island, I’m going to start doing some work remotely. Yep, same company. Why, you might ask, did I need a time out if I was just going to go back to the same company? Truth be told, I like the company I work for – it has great technology and some of the smartest, hard-working people. I like my team – we’ve forayed into uncharted territory with giggles and a collaborative sense of loony. And there are perks to the job. I’ve been very fortunate.

See, work wasn’t what drove me out of California. I genuinely felt the need for something more (see my initial post on this). thinkingThis “more” could be anything and anywhere, but I’m rather compelled to try my luck in Italy. Many have asked if there is a boy waiting for me there. No, there is not. And while I will not give you the evil eye for asking me yet again in-person, I also will not give you a different answer. I am going for me. Perhaps not so much to “find myself,” but to recreate myself…or at least find some greater purpose (or trick myself into thinking I’ve found it). Aware of my next adventure, my mom fears I’m too independent for my own good. My grandmother thinks I’m the bravest thing ever. And me? I hope to find what it is I’m not even sure I’m looking for.